.........as a baby boomer, between 46 and 64, you are part of 78.2 million that have considerable power in determining the fabric of American culture. Our parents, born between 1901 and 1945, who are members of the GI Generation or the Silent Generation are looking to us for their quality of life. Almost 30% of all baby boomers are currently helping their aging parents manage their lives in some way.
Sometimes the relative success adult children have with helping their aging parents is explained in different values, personal qualities, and behaviors that each generation demonstrates. There certainly can be a "generation gap" in communication between the parent and the adult child, mainly due to the fact that they act and think in quite a different way. To create a rapport and help parents as they age, it would help boomers to understand the differences between the generations. One way is to start a dialog with parents about important issues before an event or crisis creating the boomer's involvement.
First, the members of the GI Generation who were born in 1901-1924 are the oldest of the matures in our population and they total about 2.5 million. They are civic-minded and laid the foundation of 20th century America with sheer guts, determination and native intellignce. They are loyal, hard-working, duty-oriented people who preferred to conform to the norm. They have great faith in the institutions of government and conservative values about money.
The youngest members of this generation are in their early 80's, and the oldest are becoming our centenarians. Their adult children may be turning 60 or already facing 70's-80's. Boomers trying to relate to this geriatric population should expect some resistance to help or about institutional care, because their desire is to be self reliant. If they have fincancial means they may be more receptive to help in any form, as long as they can pay their own way.
The Silent Generation shares similar characteristics, born in the 1925-1945 era, they total about 35 million today, and conformed to the values of their parents. The oldest entered the workforce after WWII and became the establishment. The youngest are approaching retirement age and this generation is traditioal, disciplined, self-reliant, experienced, respectful of authority and willing to sacrifice.
The Silent Generation would rather have quality over efficiency. The most wealthy generation, they are also generous by nature, and have spent considerable income to provide the best for their boomer babies. Oldest members of this genertion tend to keep their personal affairs to themselves and may not be very receptive to family discussions about aging topics. They are, however, adaptive and will compromise when necessary.
In come the boomers, they love self-expression! Boomer's desire to communicate with aging parents about aging issues and older life issues are bound to be met with some degree of resistance. These aging parents thrived on taking responsibility for themselves and others. Many will receive the boomer's interest as intrusion, unless the subject is approached with true respect and concern.
Educated and savvy consumer boomers may want to take control of a parents' decision making, leading to a non-working situation with mature generations. Boomers and aging parents having a close relationship will have an easier time with these conversations and it will be easier to address the concerns about aging. Some families rely on one sibling to talk to the parents because of a special relationship they have with one another.
Boomers and their parents need to be ready for the unexpected, when boomers need to step-in and help manage affairs on a temporary or permanent basis.
Some ideas for starting these conversations are to mention a friend or family who may have a medical or financial problem right now they are dealing with. Discuss a situation in an article or TV show where these issues are being addressed at this time. Provide parents with a list of questions to be discussed at a later date. The best time to have these discussions is when the parent is well and rested. Concerns should be expressed in the form of questions, to learn what parents think about the situation. If they are not ready to talk, leave the subject alone for another time. This is an on-going process.
Hopefully, this will help, some of the topics that need to be addressed general needs, wishes and fears of parents. Eldercare preferences, medical status, legal documents and funeral and burial arrangements.
I hope this has answered some questions about communicating with aging parents, it can be difficult but we are educated and savvy and can handle these trying times with our parents with a cool head and a warm heart.
